Relationship

There are several layers to a relationship, from infatuation to a more mature relationship involving friendship and a deeper, more secure love.

When first meeting that someone special, your emotions take over and you become involved in an all-consuming, dizzying infatuation. A spark within has been ignited and you cannot seem to get enough of this person. You wait endlessly for them to contact you, you call them constantly, and you hang on each other's every word. You want to spend every minute with them, and you adore them no what they are saying and doing. It seems that they are perfect, that they can do no wrong, and you are willing to put up with, or accept, whatever traits and behaviours they are exhibiting. Lovemaking is magical and your passion is running high. You are sure this is your soul mate. You are falling in love. This the first stage of a romantic relationship, and in the real world you will want to develop this infatuation into a true, mature love.

It is unrealistic to think that this blissful state of infatuation, this emotional high, will sustain itself at the same level as you move towards a more mature love. Sure, the spark will remain--however it cannot be blazing all the time. That much intensity is not possible to sustain without the relationship burning up, and coming to an end. It is a mistake to think that as your initial wild passion begins to fade that you are no longer in love. If you do believe this, it will be at this point that you begin to look for someone new; you are attempting to recapture that emotional high with someone else. Stop chasing the myth! Instead learn how to move on to the next, richer stages of a mature love.

As you are getting to know your partner, it is important to take the time and effort and build on the foundation of friendship. You are going to need it. What do I mean? After the infatuation wears off (and it does), the business of a mature relationship comes into play. Having a good friendship is valuable when your difference start showing up. You are not going to see eye to eye on everything, nor should you expect to. You are two entirely different people--men and women are wired differently. You will each have your own viewpoints, and good friends are O.K. with that. Friends don't necessarily try to change you, they are not asking that you be totally alike--that is impossible! True friends are accepting of you. And they offer you their best.

Be a good friend to your partner. Treat them fairly, as you would with any other friend. If you and your other friends run into differences, what do you do? You may fight or argue with them, but it is unlikely that you get into nasty name calling and abusive, crazy, behaviour. In friendship we learn to know what our own limits are, and we listen to our friend and agree to disagree and move on. So, now, why would you behave any differently with your partner? When developing a relationship, be sure to develop a good friendship relationship. As issues and problems arise, and you feel like you are becoming mired in quicksand, you can step up to the safety of the higher ground called friendship.

Stop chasing the myth of an endless emotional high, and learn how to develop a truly loving and mature relationship.